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The Development of the Social Self Environment Keeping Friends |
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Submitted by Brianna Winters
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Friends play a crucial role in self-development. Some say your friends are a reflection of yourself, and in a way that is true. People tend to make friends with people whom they have something in common, such as an interest in certain sports, in music, even a television program. Many friendships start on as little as the preference for a certain kind of shoes. Keeping the friendship, however, is more of a challenge because sometimes familiarity does breed contempt. The longer you know a person, the more you learn about them, and about yourself. In the development of the social self-environment, evolution of a social identity evolves over time and through circumstances. Life changing experiences such as moving to a new city or getting married can land you in a situation when you find yourself bereft of easy contact with your old network. Of course, you could always make new friends, but keeping your old ones in which you have invested perhaps a considerable amount of time and emotion further develop the social self-environment past the initial stages. Here are some suggestions on keeping the old friendships going.
Make the effort to keep in touch. If they are far away, e-mail is always a good way to keep in touch. With the new technologies, chatting online is also one way to keep updated, and you can even see each other while doing it. Always remember that Personal Development is an important aspect of one's life. Conferencing is also something that can be done easily, connecting online with several friends who are in different places at one time.Show them you are interested in their lives and listen attentively when they have problems. Always be sympathetic even if you think they made a mistake. If they ask your opinion, give it in a diplomatic way and try to keep from sounding judgmental.You are a friend, not their mother.
Show them they are still important to you. Old friends are usually the people you have known since childhood, in school or at work. Most times they are taken for granted because they have been around forever, perhaps. It is only when they are gone that you realize how much you depend on them for advice or for moral support. Remember important things like birthdays and their kids’ names. If you are in the area, try to arrange for a meet even if it is just for a cup of coffee. If an important event occurs, such as a marriage or a baptism, make every effort to make it. If it is really not possible, let them know ahead of time and explain why.
Keep their secrets. Maintain the trust in your relationship. Avoid disclosing embarrassing or shameful facts about your friends to other people, even to your spouse. It may be tempting hare some juicy gossip about your friend to other people but you are only showing them that you cannot be trusted, and you would have broken the confidence of an old friend. Be loyal to your friends and be ready to stand by them when they need you, at all times keeping mum.
Share your friends. Sometimes as you get older it seems you have fewer friends than you used to and you tend to cling to the ones who stayed friends with you. You may feel bad when they develop friendships outside your circle, feeling you are losing their friendship. This will only make them feel stifled and might choose to end your relationship if you become too demanding of their time. The wisest course is to make friends with your friend’s friends when the opportunity presents itself, such as a party or family gathering. That way you widen your circle of friends while maintaining the old ties. You never know where or how you will make the best friendships.
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