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Long Distance Relationships – Do they work? |
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Submitted by Sarah Fisher
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You’ve finally met someone who floats your boat, however, all is not perfect… he/she lives at the opposite end of the country. Obviously, you’re not going to know if it’s worth pursuing until you’ve given the relationship a go but here’s a few things to bear in mind when embarking on a long distance relationship and a few ideas how to keep your relationship hot whilst counting down the days before your next rendezvous.
Ask yourself (and your partner) if you would be prepared to move. Obviously, you don’t want to be scaring him/her off by asking this question on the first date so leave it a few dates or weeks before you broach the subject. When you feel ready, say something along the lines of, “I know this is early days, and I’m not saying I want to make a commitment, but I was wondering what your thoughts on moving would be if our relationship developed into something more serious”. If, for whatever reasons, relocating for both of you is out of the question then there really isn’t much point in continuing to see each other. If either or both of you said “maybe one day once we know each other more” then just see how the relationship develops and discuss it again further down the line.
Share the travelling. Travelling will take up a lot of time and can also be quite tiring and expensive for the traveller so try and share this as much as possible so neither of you get fed up. If it’s easier for him/her to travel to you then take these things into consideration when planning your weekend. Instead of arranging a hectic night out the first night he/she arrives, cook a romantic dinner so you can both relax and unwind indoors, without the hassle or expense of getting ready to go out for a meal.
Don’t lock yourselves away by staying in all the time when you visit each other. It’s very easy to wrap yourselves up in your own little love bubble when you’re in love and, although this can make the relationship very passionate at first, you’ll never discover how your partner behaves with other people. Some people’s personalities can change when socialising with others; they can become jealous, loud, embarrassing or dull. Therefore, after you’ve spent a few weekends getting to know each other and you feel you want to introduce him/her to your friends and family, arrange to meet up with other people just for a few hours in the day. Not only will you get to see a different side to him/her, after sharing your time with others you will no doubt be eager to get back to your love nest!
Keep jealousy at bay by communicating. We’ve all been there…he/she doesn’t phone when they say they will and straight away your mind starts wandering….are they with someone else, have they gone off me etc? In order to avoid this, make a pact with other from the beginning that you will phone, text, write or email at least once a day. If you want this relationship to work, you need to feel like you are in a “regular” relationship, one where if you want to offload your troubles/share your news for the day, you know that he/she is there for you.
Spice it up with a webcam. Whilst this cannot compensate for actually being someone, it’s a great way to keep in touch whilst you’re apart. The fact that you can see each other and knowing that you’re both making the effort to keep in touch and communicate can strengthen and keep your relationship alight whilst apart.
Turn the negative into a positive. Don’t spend every night you’re not together moping around. Make the most of your independence (whilst still having a relationship) by socialising with friends, going to the gym, pampering yourself beauty treatments or simply having some me-time.
Communication, trust, honesty and passion will strengthen your relationship whilst you’re apart but you really have to believe in each other and your relationship for it to succeed…. although long distance relationships can be difficult, they can work and do work for many couples if both parties put in the effort.
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