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When you are in your thirties and still single |
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Submitted by Debbie Kenefick
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Desiree, 34, a freelance interior decorator and a Martha Stewart fanatic, goes on a trip every holiday season to visit her parents in Bedford, Indiana. She usually arrives a week before Christmas Eve. Holidays were supposed to be happy events, but not for Desiree. She dreaded the holiday season which means she has to face the questions again from her own parents and relatives. Family reunions makes her feel so uncomfortable because everyone from her teenage niece to an assortment of cousins are already “taken.” That time of the year, she always found herself on the spot for being the only single person in family.
It doesn't help to see your own father in the corner looking at you, as if he was asking: “What is wrong with you?” Your mother also pretends not to hear the most frequently asked question in the house whenever you have guests: “Is your daughter married?”
Single and unattached...biological clock ticking. This is the dilemma faced by Desiree and the exact source of all her stress and anxiety.
After the holidays, she always ends up with the conclusion that there is no room for a single white female in a family that expects all women to be married; and no room in her circle of friends who all have their own boyfriends and flings. People around her, she concluded, looked at her as someone who kissed dating goodbye.
Yes, there are many Desirees out there waiting for their “someone” to come along. But are they waiting in vain?
Career women, once they realize they are not getting any younger, immediately panic and think that they have already been left behind in the game of love. Once they realize that they too yearn for the comforts of a loving relationship, career women begin to take more time for social interaction... hoping to meet someone who could free them from the Single Life. Women, mostly in their thirties, have already realized that “singlehood” has already lost its novelty.
But its not just the single women who feel this way. Even single parents like Terry, a thirty-something attractive chef and mother of twins also miss the security and warmth of being in a relationship. Life is tough for her especially since her twin boys miss their father so much.
But there is always hope for the single and separated.
There is no need to sulk because you are in a “single” situation. At this time in your life, it is good to consider the following recommendations:
l Love yourself – Take care of your well being. Pamper yourself. It needs not to be expensive—a trip to your favorite coffee shop or restaurant will do the trick. keep yourself busy like doing volunteer work that way you won't be staying home always and feeling sorry for yourself. Another depression stopper is listening to music. Listen to soothing music like jazz and bossa nova accompanied by a bottle of red wine.
l Shopping Therapy- Women finds it therapeutic when shopping. It sounds superficial but even in a low budget. You can get “high” canvassing for fashionable clothes and accessories. Don't forget that beautiful pair of red shoes.
l Stop, Look, Listen – Don't think you have to join the “race” to find the perfect man. Chances are you're Prince Charming might be found in an unlikely places and probably and caught in between your unguarded moment when you don't look at your best. Don't try so hard to be with anyone, you'll just end up being disappointed.
l Be with other single women- Just think how “Sex in the City” becomes a hit t.v series. There is something “magical” when you are surrounded by your well meaning single friends. You can get together and have some fun like watching movies or invited them over to your house and eat a home cooked meal and laugh your way out from being all alone.
l Don't get in touch with your ex- resist the urge even if you get pressured from family and friends from time to time. Getting back at your ex because you can't stand being alone especially during holidays is one pathetic move.
l Acceptance – Being bitter and resentful only adds to your stress and anxiety. Being angry about being along, finding the wrong man or being separated won't helped but only add fuel to the fire. Enjoy what you have, no matter how little you have. Accept that being single might have some advantages and purpose. We just get caught up with what other people say.
Get a grip...being single shouldn't be “the end of the world.”
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