Better Communications Through Clear Use of Language Plus 3 Ways To Deal With Bad Communicators

Communicating effectively is important in every aspect of life and here's an issue with the use of language I run into all the time and 3 ways to deal with it.

Note that these issues are really common when speaking to people one of these 3 problems:

1. People with Alzheimer's disease (AD)
2. people with poor communication skills
3. people that just want to talk and are not really interested in a two way conversation.

Conversation Example:

Simon says "John and Fred went to the store. He bought a nice mp3 player."

So, who bought the nice mp3 player? Was it John or Fred?

If you want to confuse people or just ramble and not really have a conversation, this is fine, but if you want to be clear and avoid the confusion, simply replace the word "He" with the person's name.

Another Conversation Example:

In the previous example, Simon says "John and Fred went to the store. He bought a nice mp3 player."

Say you want to avoid the confusion of who bought the nice mp3 player and just find out what kind it was and ask "What kind of mp3 player did he buy?"

Then the Simon asks "Who are you talking about?"

Well, we don't know do we? Simon referenced the person prior to the question as "He" and should know, right? It has to be either John or Fred, right? It's obviously one of them, right? When I encounter these types of communication issues, I know I am speaking with a person that has one of the 3 problems I mentioned above and somehow this person forgot what he or she just said.

3 solutions I have found to deal with issues like these:

1. Clarify everything before moving to the next subject of conversation. If I think a person is capable AND wants to have a real 2-way conversation AND I want to spend the extra time clarifying everything, then I do just that, but it is very difficult to have a conversation where I have to clarify every sentence.
2. Simply nod my head and let the person ramble on. When dealing with one-way talkers (people that don't like to listen), or people with Alzheimer's disease (AD), AND if I really want to spend some time with them, I simply nod my head and occasionally try to guide the conversations OR let them know I am listening, but this too is difficult at best.
3. Avoid or try to end conversations. I tend to recognize this issue in people quickly and am not always patient enough to deal with it, so I will sometimes use this approach either avoiding or finding a way to politely end the conversation. I have a huge amount of patience with people that have Alzheimer's disease (AD) and much less with people that don't.

I find in most cases the worst thing you can do is try to educate people on how to speak clearly, so I didn't list that as a solution. It usually annoys them and hurts the relationship. I am sharing this with you here because I am hoping a few of you can relate or learn from this and then share your experiences and solution with me so that I can learn from you.

I enjoy real conversations with great communicators, but I still find that we all make subtle mistakes at least occassionally that lead to the need for clarification, so at least for me, I am always tring to improve my own communication skills and hope you do too.

If you want to see an example of someone using solution 2 to try and communicate with someone he loves that is suffering from Alzheimer's disease, watch this video of Barry Petersen talking to his wife Jan Chorlton. Jan was a promising television reporter working with CNN, ABC, and even “CBS Sunday Morning” and began suffering from lapses in memory at only 40 years old. Barry is a real Saint!

NOTE:

• 5.3 Million Americans suffer from Alzheimer’s in 2010.
• It is expected that by age 85, nearly 1 in 2 people will develop Alzheimer’s.

Example: BAD Conversation between You and Simon employing all 3 solutions mentioned above:

Simon: "John and Fred went to the store. He bought a nice mp3 player."

You: "Who is 'He'?" (Clarify)

Simon: "Who is Who?"

You: "No. You said 'He' bought a nice mp3 player." (Clarify)

Simon: "Oh. You mean John."

You: "I guess. What kind did he buy?" (Clarify)

Simon: "What kind of what did he buy?"

You: "What kind of mp3 player did he buy?" (Clarify)

Simon: "What kind of mp3 player did who buy?"

You: "mp3 players sure are great." (Nod)

Simon: "Love'm"

You: "Hey, I have to make a phone call. Talk to you later." (end conversation)

I am not going to name names, but I have conversations with friends that do not have AD as far as a know, but the above example demonstrates how some of our conversations go.

Example: GOOD Conversation between You and Simon:

Simon: "John and Fred went to the store. John bought a nice mp3 player."

You: "What kind did he buy?"

Simon: "Sony Walkman"

Now that is the type of conversation I enjoy - no confusion - simple, to the point, and always moving forward! ;)

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